An American Revolution

[Dead Silence]

why do the politicians put us into forceful submission?//
we want our commission because we stay with our position//
what if this capitalism economy fails,and we fall like Rome?//
who's gonna follow me and take over America's home?//
the government is corrupt nothing is the American dream//
lets rise above it till it erupts into hot volcanic lava cream//
lets take back what is ours, we discovered and need to recover//
turn the minutes into hours so u cant take miss liberty and shove her//
relight the torch and re-open the book of our past//
hold these united states by the collar so it cant move fast//

part 2 is going to be coming soon

[Dead Silence]

uppin 4 feed

[Subsist]

hhmmm. it flowed well. some of the rhymes were forced. the last four lines didnt make much sense to me.
it shows some emotion so its fine.

ill follow u and take over americas home

[Dead Silence]

thnx for the feed we need a big movement in the U.S.

relight the torch and re-open the book of our past//*
hold these united states by the collar so it cant move fast// **

*referring to the statue of liberty the torch she holds and the book
**referring to america is moving to fast and skippin a bunch of important bullshit and we the people need to tell the government to slow the fuck down and go slow and take care of every little thing

make more sense now?

[Cee4]

this was pretty nice for the first five lines or so.

why do the politicians put us into forceful submission?//
we want our commission because we stay with our position//
what if this capitalism economy fails,and we fall like Rome?//
who's gonna follow me and take over America's home?//
the government is corrupt nothing is the American dream//

rhymed and flowed well and it had a good message
then it gotta kinda confusing like Subsist said


turn the minutes into hours so u cant take miss liberty and shove her//

hold these united states by the collar so it cant move fast//
^^^^
kinda difficult to understand what u mean.

lets rise above it till it erupts into hot volcanic lava cream//
lets take back what is ours, we discovered and need to recover//
^^^^
so u want a revolution to take back what is yours? what is yours? whos got it?

relight the torch and re-open the book of our past//
^^^^
if u open the book on Americas past you will find that you are owed sweet fuck all


that just my opinion. but anyway like i said was good overall

[Dead Silence]

thnx

lets rise above it till it erupts into hot volcanic lava cream//
lets take back what is ours, we discovered and need to recover//
^our freedom with out the govnment involved in every aspect of our lives

relight the torch and re-open the book of our past//
^im meaning before we got involved in warfar with other countries and where everything turned to shit where everyone was just sittin around drinking and having a good times keepin to ourselfs

but thnx for the feed

[Arvincible]

Good shit

Improving faster than wild bill on steroids.

[Dead Silence]

lol thnx

[*.HarleQuin.*]

why do the politicians put us into forceful submission?//
we want our commission because we stay with our position// <<multie went kinda forced and off there

forceful submission
played our position..would been great there

capitalism economy.
should be capitalistic economy

this was better than the last one, just write with more conviction
use examples ppl can relate to, put it into some clever punches
and metaphors
and i might even be motivated..who knows

[complexity]

Yah. It wasn't great, but way better than your past raps.

I can't even explain the difference. It's so dramatic.

Keep up what you're doing.

[Dead Silence]

hq-
this was written before the "plan of attack" one buut yeah i see what ur sayin. i just have to read it more and tweek it thnx

plex-
haha thanx

[Glamtrash]

You're getting a lot better. Keep at it kid.

[Dead Silence]

thanks

Uppin for feed