Writin Wit Style

- Mutual - · Post by **- Mutual -** » Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:50 am

okay i'll give any body who can tell me the paradox line 1000000

okay sum would say this is fucked up never the less
Pac N Biggie were shot to some they remain forever the best
causin heart failure blood clots some good call it clever the stress
but this unbalanced equilibrium is biased and severs his death
in which does the point get across the streets on lockdown
mocked now for the lack of lyrical capability used to be a rock town
makin noise to put'em on the map they all remain strapped
cause of danger and all of this hostilty thats mutual
i was GODD but know i've always meant to leave neutral
so befo we find peace to the streetscallin fo attention beef
we need to cease to release we gotta live or get beat
like peasants in the cold but dark ages
we mark stages through life like it was are phases
these phrase phrases people when we lay spaces
down in the graveyard like strayed placesment fo some one to fill unfilled it stays waiting
hoping anticipating to be full creating
stories to wot sorce of demonstrating devils stating
i brought up the devil cause there's a demon in my lines
i'm fiendin with dispise naaive yet seemin to realise
i can see ya screamin in ya eyes i'm steamin with suprise
wait you'll see my streamin through da skies
fleeing to demise these doubters that doubt schemin way to sly

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/more- ... html#81941

A bit short for me i know but well
i still stick by wot i put at the top

Dead Silence · Post by **Dead Silence** » Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:37 am

good shit.
stayed on topic pretty well
wordplay was a key feature in this
overall
8/10

- Mutual - · Post by **- Mutual -** » Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:38 am

thanks man uppin feed

DressToKill · Post by **DressToKill** » Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:01 am

I actually thought this shit was all over the place lol..I also thought the multies at the first didnt even make sense yano?just seemed like you were putting them there to rhyme..which in case you didnt know content should be sacrifced for rhyming purposes cuz with proper content the rhymes mean nothing..this whole thing seemed a little random and you have potential but theres no real complexity in your bars..keep spittin though this is not hate just trying to help you elevate

Vertikal · Post by **Vertikal** » Thu Jun 19, 2008 7:01 am

Dont force your multis...
Kills a drop.

MadKNiFe · Post by **MadKNiFe** » Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:57 am

good piece but the multis was forced, kinda. . i'd say an 8/10

B-Bear · Post by **B-Bear** » Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:25 am

Some of your multies were forced, and u shouldn't have to point em out for the readers, that's unnecessary

Honestly, I didn't like it - here's why

1. U didn't really have a distinct theme nor message

2. Structure and flow was below average

3. Your multies

A lot of criticism comin your way now, but no hard feelings - just tryin to help u improve

- Mutual - · Post by **- Mutual -** » Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:33 am

nah any help i preciate

complexity · Post by **complexity** » Fri Jun 20, 2008 6:29 am

I'll restate what everyone else said.

"causin heart failure blood clots some good call it clever the stress"

You don't EVER want to do that. I could see you justifying your forced multi in your bar. Lol

- Mutual - · Post by **- Mutual -** » Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:15 am

thanks da feed

Arvincible · Post by **Arvincible** » Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:46 am

im watching star wars on this piece man, all this force shit..lol keep it up man ur only getting better, ur starting to open ur eyes on more creativity so thats a plus man.

- Mutual - · Post by **- Mutual -** » Sat Jun 21, 2008 7:57 am

lol STAR WARS LMAO well thanks Arv

Writin Wit Style

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