Welcome to Illest Lyrics forum established in 2005.
----
Free Vapes

5 bars

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
Panda
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:45 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Location: Seattle Boi!!!!!!!!!!

5 bars

Post by Panda »

yo my mic is JurasSICK, murk ur ass-quick im a bad trip of acid
colors make u swurvy n colllasp in ya casket

im a bad trip of acid come lookin sad, n leave laughin
some of these MCs should'nt even be alive or aknowledged

but its time that I amplify, U 2 step aside your garbage
well yea ima panda and i ravage ya on an average

i need a challenge, so remember to proceed with caution
I smoke weed to promise, to never be a bitch

and if, its all in vain then shit...
u can put me in a dugeon for a setence of a hundred
Top
User avatar
|.R.SON.aLL.|
My Brother's Dead
Offline
Posts: 1906
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2006 7:36 am
Wins: 30
Losses: 11

Post by |.R.SON.aLL.| »

This Was Okay i Guess ..
First Bar Was Best imo ..
But U Repeated Tha Same Shit in Tha Second Bar ..
Wasn't Really Feelin That ..

Umm Simple 5 Bars ..
Keep Goin at it, Keep Droppin ..
Work On all Elements Fam ..
Punches, Multies, Complex Flows even ..
Get Wild Wit it ..
[align=center]Image
.. it`s S.a.W Bitches ..
.. Niggas ain't Fuckin Wit Tha Team ..
JayGUNNa
RELL FiaSCO
aRViNCiBLE
SCiP
MiiLZ
Image[/align]
Top
User avatar
~Symbolikull~
Rhyme Dominator
Offline
Posts: 2799
Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2006 4:19 pm
Wins: 37
Losses: 16

Post by ~Symbolikull~ »

yeah the first bar was the only good thing in this piece, u need some work in all areas fam. ain no hate! u should try readin some of the vets drops on here it may help you out. but keep droppin tho
i'll smack yuh with rage i force multis outta my ass to the page
Top
User avatar
Khan
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 81
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:47 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 1
Location: Fuck A City, No Need To Rep.
Contact:
Contact Khan

Post by Khan »

it was ok, lol like these two said ^.^ keep working on it, and he right get wild with it fuck it just go nuts say what the fuck ever..i dont care if someone judges me, if the shit is funny to me ill say it...but dont listen to me...do what the fuck you wanna do.
Top
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Post by Haz »

This was alright
The first bar was the best one..

keep Doin you
Top
User avatar
- Mutual -
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 4442
Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:01 am
Wins: 5
Losses: 11
Location: Dont Live In One

Post by - Mutual - »

yeah it was alright
keep goin you'll get better
The Eagerness Is Putrid My Fluids Acid Leaves You Vexed Like Black Holes
Your Inept To Correct Stretched Like Fat Folds Perplexed Like Castro
I'm So Tenacious With Rhymes Sensatious So Patient With Lines
While You Fill Your Writtens With Filler And So Stay Vacant In Mind
I'm Amiable But Too Your Haters I Appease Your Arcane Admissions
Dark Games No Vision Your Avarice Lead To Scarred Shamed Partitions
So Callous In His Candor You Have To Coerce For Neglect
For Worse Or For Best I'm Confidant With A Verse Of Respect

!!ILLEST MINDS!!
Image
Top
User avatar
Panda
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:45 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Location: Seattle Boi!!!!!!!!!!

Post by Panda »

uhh coo
Top
User avatar
Cee4
Rhyme Dominator
Offline
Posts: 2846
Joined: Thu May 31, 2007 9:52 pm
Wins: 58
Losses: 16

Post by Cee4 »

not feelin this here. the first was OK at best. the rest was nah
the flow was decent. you should work on uppin the creativity coz the punches didnt hit at all to me.

im not hating here. keep at it and you`ll improve
Image
Image
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests