Help Wanted - Play 3.

[Glamtrash]

Okay, I'm gonna do this a little differently this time around, and post shit scene by scene. This means that A) you don't have to read as much at one time, and B) I don't have to type as much at one time.

**Characters**

Dr.Penfield - Noted phychiatrist.

Justin - Clean freak.

Chloe - Bitch with parental problems

Secretary - Self-explanatory.

Lauryn - Far too overprotective of her little brother.

Mary-Anne - Edgy. Smokes a lot, can't help but interrupt all the time.

Mr. and Mrs. Gellar - Married. Constantly fighting.

Gino - Depressed Italian.



Scene one.

Fade into Dr. Penfields office. There is a huge comfy chair placed downstage right with a floor lamb behind it. Said chair sits on an angle. There is a phychiatrists couch placed center stage, and a small table with a just of ice water and a few glasses on it. We see Dr. Penfield sitting at his chait, looking at his clipboard an taking notes. Cue knock.

Dr. Penfield: Come in!

Enter Jusin with a henkerchief in his hand and a sachet over his shoulder. He looks somewhat nervous.

Justin: Hello.

Dr. Penfield. Hello. You're....(looks at clipboard) Justin, right?

Justin: (still nervous and shifting his weight from leg to leg) Yeah, that's me. I heard you were a really good phychiatrist...Hey, are you any relation to that doctor on the commercial?

Dr Penfield: Which doctor?

Justin: You know, Dr. Penfield.(Justin puts his sachet down on the couch and proceeds to portray the woman in the Heritage Moment commercial, speaks with a European accent) Burnt toast...I smell burnt toast. (Falls on the floor and fakes a seizure) DR. PENFIELD I CAN SMALL BURNT TOAST! (Stops and returns to his weight shifting nervous stance)

Dr. Penfield: (Looking at Justin funny.) No, sorry. I can't say that I am.

Justin: Oh. Well that sucks. He's a really smat guy, getting his own commercial and all.

Dr. Penfield: (Goes with it) Riiight...Have a seat.

Justin picks up his sachet, pulls out some disinfectant and sprays the shit out of the couch. he then pulls out a bathtowel and sits on it.

Dr Penfield: (intrigued) Why do you do that?

Justin: In cities like these, you never know what kind of shit you're going to come in contact with. Like this one time, in grade seven, we were supposed to go to an assembly, right? Well all I did was touch the door, and BAM, I had bronchial pneumonia.

Dr.;: Do you do that every time you sit down?

Justin: Of course! Personally, I don't get how people can just sit down without thinking, especially since they have no clue who sat down there before them. (cringes) It makes me sick just thinking about it.

Dr: I see...(Taking notes) How long have you been this....Uhh, quirky?

Justin: Long enough to not remember not being this way, (As Justin is giving his schpiel, Dr. Penfield pours himself a glass of water) I've always been known to be extra careful, and i think it's great! I haven't had a cold since I was twelve. Can you believe it? That's like, eight years of being completely healthy!

Dr: Would you like a glass of water?

Justin: Is it distilled?

Dr: Uh, no. I think it's just tap water. (He goes to drink said water, but notices Justin gagging) What's wrong now?

Justin: You're actually going to drink that?

Dr: Why wouldn't I?

Justin: Do you have any idea whatsoever as to what's in that water?

Dr: Uh....Liquid...Water?

Justin: NO! There's lime deposits, pesticides, chlorine, calcium deposits, christ, the list is endless! You're completely ruining yourself by drinking that.

Dr: Okay then (puts the glass down and clears his throat) Have you even been trying to prevent yourself from doing these things?

Justin: (confused) Why would I? If i did, I wouldn't be nearly as healthy as I am.

Dr: (to himself) Or nearly as neuotic. (To Justin) Is that not why you're here though?

Justin: (laughing) Not even!

Dr: Oh um.....okay?

Justin: I need help with girls.

Dr: Girls?

Justin: Yeah, I mean...I think girls are scared of me or something.

Dr: And what makes you think that?

Justin: I honestly don't know. I mean, I'm really easy going- (Dr. Penfield goes to set his glasses down on the table)DON'T DO THAT! (Justin sprays down the table and wipes it off with a hankerchief out of his sachet) There, now you can.(Dr. Penfield, preturbed, sets them down. Justin continues) You see, I'm a go-with-the-flow type of person, and I work out. (Justin looks at his watch, and pulls a moist towelette out of his sachet, He wipes his hands, places it in a ziploc bag, and puts the bag back in his sachet) I just really don't see what the problem is.

Dr: (Cannot believe Justin is so dense) You really don't think there's anyrhing wrong with you?

Justin: Not at all. Why, do you know why girls don't like me?

Dr: How many times a day do you wipe your hands with amoist towelette?

Justin: Every twenty-five minutes.

Dr: (trying to hold composure) Then yes Justin, I do think I know what's wrong with you.

Justin: Wow, you're good. I haven't even been here a full session yet!

Dr: (trying to be nice) Don't you think that girls, and well, everyone else for that matter, could be somewhat bothered by your....obsession with cleanliness?

Justin: Why would they? Girls like guys who take care of themselves.

Dr: That very well may be, but I don't think girls like chaging their eating habits everytime you see a new segment on sixty minutes. They don't want to know that what's in their drinks may kill them, and they don't want their chair sterilized everytime they sit down because frankly, no one gives a shit about who sat there before them.

Justin: That's harsh doc.

Dr: Maybe so. But so is life.

Justin: But I always hear about how much they hate those guys that are slobs. Haven't you seen those tv shows where the guy is just sitting around, drinking, burping, and throwing wet towels on the floor?! (Cringes) Ugh, it makes me sick to even THINK about the germs wafting through their homes.

Dr: That's television Justin.

Justin: But that's just it. It isn't just television. I constantly hear about women who are cleaning all hours of the night, but it seems useless because the next day the same thing happens all over again.

Dr: That happens with everyone at one time or another. Face it, sometimes things get dirty.

Justin: (Jumps up) OH NO! Don't say the "D" word! (Looks at the floor, gasps) YOU HAVE A STAIN!!! (He takes some cleaning supplies out of his sachet, puts gloves on, and moves the towel to the floor so he can lean on it. He goes to town on the floor. Since the table is low, the audience can still see him for the rest of the conversation)

Dr: Justin, the stain doesn;t matter.It's been here since before I leased the building. Professional cleaners couldn't get it out, you're not going to get it out.

Justin: Nonesense! And I can't leave until it's gone either. I can just imagine how many people have gotten sick because of the dust and dirt in this office.

Dr: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks. Have you ever tried to change your ways, even just a little?

Justin: Well...Yeah! Just yesterday, instead of peeling the skin off the apple I was going to eat like I always do (proudly) I left it on.

Dr: Oh my...

Justin: I know, pretty good huh?

Dr: (Taking notes) Uh huh....Just great.