new to here, plz rate any advice welcome!!

[anonymous.spitter]

I'm getting hungrier by the minute..why do you think ive joined the illest?//
i'm trying to spew sick shit.. i'm just begging for peeps to feel it//
on a beat i kill it, i ridicule a rhymescheme//
lines so mean with a flow so tight i make mics bleed//
new type, breed, with a new hyped steam//
i smash holes through bars in my sleep.. no i dont pipe dream//
like hiv babies, ive been ill since i was fetus//
infact im sicker than sickle cell anaemics with diabetes//
can you see this?.. can-i-bus couldnt even eat this//
he cant stomach nice flows without long words inbetween it//
i'm the meanest newbie truly, deflect any punches to me//
rap owes me.. you wont see me crying to judge judy//
i'll spit until i burst a vein in my neck/
take aim, blaze and flame until they pay me them cheques//
i'll be slaying those vets, unless they pay me respect//
badboy from england, come to drop bombs, and reign on the set//

quick-ish thing, took me half an hour

feedback appreciated!!

-- Sat Feb 27, 2010 4:05 am --

wrong section, this should be in off the top!! sorry mods

[Loon E Lou]

damn. this shit was ku. not ur first rodeo i see. keep shit droppin, and if u get on the mic, les hear it. looks like u holdin aloota potential. youll fit ku wit these other textcees

[QwarterZ]

I suggest you Ron Browz yourself.....
other then that good for your health
keep the flow and drop the rest of it
your skill gots some precendence
no not presidents I think I spell't it wrong
too be truthful....I really felt that dawg




keep writing

[DaPrince]

This was dope bro. Multi's were there and there were some sick lines too

like hiv babies, ive been ill since i was fetus//
infact im sicker than sickle cell anaemics with diabetes//


I thought that was definitely a hot line.

Keep droppin more though; you've definitely got mad potential.

[anonymous.spitter]

thanks for the encouragement guys, im gonna keep at this..

[MesaR]

This is one of the better newbie drop's i've seen, the punchlines attempted were extremely weak, but the self hype lines, like bla bla i make mic bleeds i thought was sick.. you have alot of potential for sure, the flow was on point for the most part and you're vocab is up to par, keep it up and welcome to illest.