Chapter One (Detached From Self)

[Kuhlerblynd]

Aheemmm....


Yo...

To begin from the end, no looking for words or people to commend/
Full of lust, drugs, and friends that were all fucked and corrupt from sin/
There was no love within, I was eighteen and constantly had a thirty eight on me/
I didn't play homie, any single person that felt unworthy hate on me/
I chased the game, trying to make a name while everyone else stayed the same/
Living day to day, not talking a pimp stick when I say I use to lace the cane/
Like Scarface's brain, I thought and looked out for me with no love for them/
My family was like "We're done with him" and I would simply reply "Fuck em then"/
Theres was no love for friends, how can you when you have no trust in them?/
Talkin bout guns, shiiittt, if they were plastic these dudes still werent bustin them/
Tony Montana said he was the bad guy, fact is, I was that guy/
Traveling down the road of life and death, divided by the almighty flatline/
For two years I never knew fear, my true gears propelled me deeper in the game/
It felt like some kind of celebrity status when so many random people knew my name/
"Kuhlerblynd, can I get another dime? I got you back homie, swear I'll pay some other time"/
One line after another line, shit only one snort would melt Danny Glover's spine/
These fiends were coming to me with dreams, like I wanna hear the mess they speak/
I didn't give a flying fuck about anything except when came in the check this week/
My fiance sadly never saw me, and oddly, seeing her sad didn't even bother me/
"If that bitch wants to talk, she can get on the fuckin phone and call me"/
I felt like the general of an army, no one, not even God could harm me/
Not knowing the police had already marked me, placed me somewhere up in the hard leagues/
But I continued to test it, the positive and negatives didn't mean shit, why stress it?/
I'll confess this, there wasn't a heart to beat my skinny ass chest with/
I believed I would never be arrested, so the drugs I would just repeatedly invest in/
Then came the call that would quickly change it all, "Kenny, I'm pregnant."/
My brain raced, but my body couldnt stand up, cuss words flying about- "Damn!" - "Fuck!"/
By the end of that day, I came to the conclusion it was time for me to man up/
I went home to let her know she wasn't alone, I was going to give the drugs and clan up/
Her tears of happiness flowed, then within seconds a knock at the door- the boys with handcuffs/

[IntrinsicCadence]

I like the way you start this off--- "To begin from the end, no looking for words or people to commend/"
The story is vivid, builds well, and the ending strikes hard--- "I went home to let her know she wasn't alone, I was going to give the drugs and clan up/
Her tears of happiness flowed, then within seconds a knock at the door- the boys with handcuffs/"
While the story is nice, the flow of this is off, and it almost seems like this would work better as just a regular prose short story. You rhyme "them" with "them" and "me" with "me" three times each at the end of the lines.
Overall, this is a solid drop as a story, but maybe some vocab building to have so more interesting flow and rhyme schemes would be nice.

[The Man]

Only one thing comes to mind when I read this... WHITE POWER! Keep up the good work brother!

[QwarterZ]

This was actually pretty sick man, are you making a series on this?
I'm digging the vibe, a lot of street shit don't come off nicely to me
but this did, the vibe was on point, and the whole use of your words strung together nicely
I really don't dig on the whole Scarface inneundo tho? that's just me
maybe if people heard this they'd be like OH SHIT THIS MU'FUCKER SICk
but you know, most of us is lyricists and seen plenty of Scarface plays...
either way a dope drop...I just gotta quote this

Kuhlerblynd, can I get another dime? I got you back homie, swear I'll pay some other time"/
One line after another line, shit only one snort would melt Danny Glover's spine/
These fiends were coming to me with dreams, like I wanna hear the mess they speak/
I didn't give a flying fuck about anything except when came in the check this week/

^^^^^^^^^some real shit right there

nice lil' drop man, can't wait to see more from you
sorry bout the tag thing to brah, I gotcha some other time
peace

[Kuhlerblynd]

Yeah this is a gonna continue to build. At least to where I am in this point of my life. Thanks for the feed Qwartz. IntCad, I think this would have been more noticable as far as flow if I did it in audio, but I feel what you are saying. I appreciate the feed either way. And to the other guy, I WISH you would battle me
Oh, the Scarface deal is actually kinda making fun of how everyone compares themselves to Face. Like they wanna be him, but I was actually making moves (in that direction). This is 'based on a true story'. Quotations not needed, but it looks cool.


Qwartz- Im not mad bout the tag shit. Its only a loss. I mean, am I really good enough to ever get a win We'll get it right bro. Lol.

[TheNobleOne]

yeah this shit was dope man, from beginning to end. i could definitely relate to some lines in there. flow was dope man and the story you told was nice, kept me interested and wanting to keep reading. good job man.

[Kau the Lion]

As a story this was great. You introduced the character, then conflict then resolution of a sort. Leaving on a sort of cliffhanger was neat, too. I think, though, as a rap this needs some improvement. While some lines had a good flow and multies nothing was great in that respect. I think you can turn this into something great if you just take some time and tweak it here and there.

[Kuhlerblynd]

Thanks for all the feed. Its appreciated. Upzzz...

[Borat]

But I continued to test it, the positive and negatives didn't mean shit, why stress it?/ I'll confess this, there wasn't a heart to beat my skinny ass chest with/ I believed I would never be arrested, so the drugs I would just repeatedly invest in/ Then came the call that would quickly change it all, " Kenny, I'm pregnant.

Mmmm. Sweet shit man. Everyone else purdy much said everything so I will say this.... let's see chapter two ssssssssssson

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[HKX]

Damn.... felt dat yo, sum deep shit right here man. 4rm da beginning 2 da end I ain't even see da end comin' 2 be honest wit u dawg. Dis was a dope read dawg I could pretty much visual everthin' u jotted down. Also kno a few peps dat have gone thru similar shit so I could relate 2 it. Drops like these I don't consider them drops I consider them... Episodes cuz dat really wat it felt like. It was like watchin' a episode on someone's life dat realized he had 2 man up and then BOOM... Karma go 2 em. 10/10 dawg much props on dis keep droppin' dawg if u ever need feed get at me... dat Danny Glover line had me rollin' haha

[Kuhlerblynd]

^^^ word. Thanks.