The Underlying Cause

[Audible Thought]

[soundclick]9068123[/soundclick]

This is going to be recorded soon.

two sides to every story its a two track way
i know this kid whos story has shaken my day
his name's Darryl, and i've known him for time
seen on em grounds where i used to hustle n grind
used to chop em a dime, every day of the week
i seen something in his eyes it was subtle but deep
didn't think much of it, i was busy not being me
Darryl always said the weed made em feel free
free from what i never really got to ask
i could never read his face and im pretty good at that
he always laughed cracked jokes, without expression
stayed in school but never really cared for the lesson
a good kid, but always seems to get into a fight
im tellin ya that every week he came with a black eye
man i asked why and who, turned u black and blue
same answer everytime, 'some dumb ass fool'

a year went by and he grew a little older
without the big smile that im so used to seeing
life made em colder, or even freezing
everyone feels that change of the season
still smoking weed and me with the feeling
that something is wrong but i got my own demons
i started reading books getting back to school
stopped choppin weed and acting a fool
so i didn't see Darryl, all that often
but i made sure to check up on him and his progress
he was doing good but still getting into fights
its kinda strange that i've never seen a single fight
then one day he disappeared never seen again
i thought he moved on old enough to be a man
that wasn't the plan, i got a call today
it was his mom, tellin me he's in a murder suicide case
*damn*

what she said made me cry killed his dad and himself
his dad made em do it cuz he made his life a livin hell
always drunk as fuck beating up on his mom
darryl always tried to fight em swingin both arms
he was too strong, made em feel real weak
gave em the bruises that i seen every week
what i seen in his eyes was the pain so deep
he should've said something man why didn't he speak
instead he left his home, went crazy all alone
went back to his house shot his dad in the dome
then himself in the dome, laying on the floor
why does life make a warm soul turn into a blackhole
then i asked why you telling me this
she said im the only one who cared to ask him
if somethin was wrong, i was like his big brother
he told her to tell me stay strong for my mother

[Noctoural88]

I didn't like it that much... it had a few standout lines, the one mentioned above in particular, but overall it was pretty basic


your storytelling skills are pretty developed, if you could just mix that with some multis and maybe some dope wordplay, you could be a winner