"justice"

[NickWarner]

you ever been blamed for sometihng you didnt do?//
you start to feel bamboozald and totally screwed//
but i must use my brain as a tool//
never thought i'd be here fucked up, fooled and shit on//
these last two weeks i feel like i've been snuffing free-on//
they have there lies and herisy hanging over my head//
feels like they wont stop til im off the streets or dead//
just trying to stay clean and get fed//
should i say fuck it and shoot myself in the head//
come on nick...that would only help them out//
and your damn sure not about//
to just give up and drop out//

(chorus)
i want justice!..all this herisy!//
i want justice!..wanna see them bleed!//
coulda just letf me be!
coulda just left me be!......now all i want is JUSTICE!

[infinite9]

very simplistic but it seems like you're a beginner. honestly i can't tell. i don't know whether to review this as a beginner's post or an advanced writer's post. tell me and i'll get ya some feed.

[NickWarner]

just getting back into it...wanna brush up the skills
mostly into making beats

[infinite9]

ahhh... alright then.

well this is a very simple piece. pretty deep concept but for JUST getting back into it... it's wasn't terrible. obviously could be brushed up on.

what i suggest is the try not to be too simplistic with wording and rhyming. obviously don't try to be dope in a week or so but try to be a tiny bit more complex.

[NickWarner]

well....yeah....i do need more practice!

[MonuMental]

Yeah man, the shape is there, just fill it in a bit. Keep posting , stay up.

[NickWarner]

thanks

[FatalX]

I think you did alright on this one...I liked the fact you had some more complx words then the last post of yours I fed....overall I liked that you expressed your emotions and like the others said just keep writing youve got potential

[JiMMyJaM080691991]

some mistakes in there but not bad.

[supersonic killa]

yo, im articulate//
i ignite and ingage with your inner ribcage
im elevated and on the first stage, incarcerated wordplay
ill shift the storm, to going your way
im cooking brain
like a evil surgeon , im the masked killa you'll never find the identity of this masked person
ill sweep the carpet under your feet like it was your platform,
this aint wes craven but im a monster in that form
the omen is unborn, ill leave you tongue tied like you was saying TWISTED up words

just a quick freestyle feedback