Trials

[MonuMental]

Just started writing to break a block I've been running into lately. This is what came out. Enjoy.

I meditate and let it marinate, personal terror state,
Tear my face off preparing dates, daring to stare at fate,
No scaring hate, the same way no one can delegate,
Shoulders to carry straight if ever they bare a weight,
I square away serenades, let them go where they may,
Ferry them through my mental state, aching to vegetate,
Regulate how waves create, when and where they break,
Resonate within myself, aware I can speculate,
All the tests I take, how will I do in the finals,
Trials a lifestyle bridles to cover the miles,
Coupled with stress I make, and some delusional idols,
Contusional cycles are bound to be removing my spinal,
Where no light goes at times like a primal albino,
Or dead wino in a dumpster in an alley that I know,
Psycho introspective worries are giving me eyefuls,
Of a madness never mindful of finding images frightful,
The sickest of visions manifest, foaming to cap a crest,
Spill over decks, silent innocence only a massive wreck,
Of flotsam flecked with ripped flags and tattered flesh,
Battered fresh for the scavengers to grab and ingest,
I drag my arm back, lash out and stab at the chest,
Of my attacker, gash a cavern in it's ravenous breast,
And snatch a lantern, get to moving, get my abacus set,
An analyst damaging cannabis till just ashes are left.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/rhyth ... 23918.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/priso ... 24021.html

***Drop a link for feed in your response, if at all. I will feed any and all links left.

[Static]

nice piece, the rhyme scheme was damn near perfect. Your vocab was decent but it was more how you used the words that made the piece. I loved the opener "I meditate and let it marinate, personal terror state,
Tear my face off preparing dates, daring to stare at fate,
No scaring hate, the same way no one can delegate,
Shoulders to carry straight if ever they bare a weight." It almost rolled off the tongue when you say it. great piece keep it up man.

[Alvin]

No scaring hate, the same way no one can delegate,
Shoulders to carry straight if ever they bare a weight

^ I dont really get this, so no hate, the same way yno one can tell shoulders to hold their ground if need be? But we do ask shoulders to carry the weight when need be? Im lost...


Im going to be completely honest.

Your vocab is awesome, so is your rhyme schemes.

BUT

I HAVE NO IDEA WTF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
I can not seperate this peice from all the others youve written, they all seem down and out, pessimistic, but elequintly delivered. Im not insulting by any means man, i truely think your an amazing writer, and you personally know i dont lie, but your pieces are getting harder and harder to read, cuz they all seem the same? Erno, what you think?

[Defiance]

DUDE!!! nice flow solid multis.. BEAST lol

favorite bars where like the first 10

steady rhyme schemes with hard hitting vocab and flow

dude sick made... when you gonna start recording shit man

[Sir Kevin O Shea]

The content is basic in a good way. It is easy to read yet able to make a person think. The flow is on point as usual.

[MonuMental]

Thanks for the feed ya'll. Shit, I was just basically freeing this shit, had to write something to try and get going. Just trying to stay active.

[Shawnmd]

That was a dope post. Your rhymes were on point, and it flowed well. Keep doing what your doing. Also check out my Persistence post and tell me what you think.