Till i Fall

[Haz]

http://illestlyrics.com/board/multie-king-vt3041.html


My Soul Keepz Thrivin Heat Alive In
Palms Eyes Wit Fears Of No Nope/
Status Sold Coke Enemiez ?Would Blow Jokez
Tried To Hang Me I Was Chillen Wit Grown Folks/
Started To Rise Wit Heart N Fire In Pride
I Was Independent So Tired Of Sides/
"Red" Or Dat "Sky" Moms Or Pops
Read Into My Mind Kept Chrome Fa Watch/
Neva Foned Da Cops Runnin In Are Homes So Hot
Fam Get In A Cell Tryna Get Me Homez So Not/
My Bones Dropp Wit Tissue Of Winnin
i Dont See Light Wit Tha Shit That im in Kid/
if I Can Earse It Fa A Quick Minute
i'll Dissappear Till I Hit Finish/

[-TraMaTiK-]

Status Sold Coke Enemiez ?Would Blow Jokez
Tried To Hang Me I Was Chillen Wit Grown Folks/

u sold coke enemies?that part dont make sense homie thas what plex iz tryna say..no hate juz tryna point out..structure was ok tho -1-

[Haz]

ok

[precise]

not bad, since droppin in writtens is all about ways to elevate. wording of your phrases could be improved a bit, also, a punchline is more effective if you lead up to it, like make the line before it relative to what the punch is gonna be so the topics in mind when the punch hits

like tramatik said your gettin alot better with structure, good drop, peeace

[8th]

link

[-TraMaTiK-]

that wud help 2 lol

[Typeo]

umm...Precise dosn't know anything that hes talking about for one.

Two, you need to really rethink before you write a line. Over half of it dosn't make any god damn sense, and I'm working hard to understand. And I thought people didn't understand my punches, when you just...god damn man I don't know what to say. If you want me to point them out and how they are wrong ask, but fucking a man.

You need a lot of work on your speach.

[Haz]

lol Na U Can Suck A Dick

[Typeo]

You would come up with some gay ass comeback like that.

[Haz]

Na Not Gay But I Dont Give 2 Fuckz Whudd u Say lol Your A Lil Pmsin Fag Az Far Az Im Concerned
Aiiiiiiiiiiiiight

[8th]

post a link or this will be closed

[Typeo]

Dude, when you write good, I'll give you good responses.

When all you do is write shit, I'll give you complete shit.

You are the one who is PMSin', especially if you think what you write makes sense and is at all anywhere near good. Hell, 50 Cent could freestyle better than you taking a month to write one god damn verse.

[drunken jesus]

hazard do you even understand what people are trying to tell you? its not "hating" or "not understanding" i've been listening to hip hop ever since i can remember, i got an IQ higher than half this site combined, i listen to aesop rock, illogic, & other complex rappers regularly, nothing you type is even remotely complex

your problem is you write in broken english, half of your multis make no sense at all, they look like something a mexican would say if he was just learning english "fears of no nope" "sold coke enemies" "would blow jokes" "chrome fa watch" "homez so not" "tissue of winnin", if you disect a verse by multis each multi should be something you could hear someone say in everyday life without thinking twice about, i've never heard anybody say "fears of no nope", honestly if i was writing in spanish my verses would probably be comparable to yours in english and thats just being real

work on making sense with your multis they should make perfect sense if you use them in a regular sentence, hardly any of yours do you write like mf doom on dust

[Haz]

lol^^ ok Yall Say Whudd U Wanna

[drunken jesus]

lmao you must be slow or something everybody on the site is saying the same exact thing, how many people gotta tell you the world ain't flat 'till you get the point caveman?

even your lil' buddy tramatik said the same thing and hes defended you mosta the time