Molested Bitch!

Cazmatrolium · Post by **Cazmatrolium** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:48 pm

Ok check it
I knew this girl who always got molested by her dad who once had sex wit her unprotected
He got himself arrested for something domestic, she became pregnant, had da kid and kept it
Didnt know da father coz of all da guys she slept wit, a true slut that i now find myself in bed wit
When i met her i stepped to it and started to undress it, she never ever protested
I guessed it would be ok for me to go ahead and have sex wit, didnt realise she had a new mans and a next kid
I threw her my bone and like a dog she fetched it, i finished fuckin her when a sat back down and rested
Then she told she was syphillis infested so i beat the bitch red now i need to get tested
But fuck that shit im not interested, enough wit this rhyme i blessed it!

~Symbolikull~ · Post by **~Symbolikull~** » Thu Feb 28, 2008 4:19 am

this wasnt bad you could used more imagry to capture the ora of the story, should made it more about this chick that gets molested, but it was more about you fuckin this chick that was "once molested" unprotected then you got infected... but it was nice, flowed very clearly could use a better structure, overall not bad

Arvincible · Post by **Arvincible** » Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:11 am

I threw her my bone and like a dog she fetched it, i finished fuckin her when a sat back down and rested
Then she told she was syphillis infested so i beat the bitch red now i need to get tested
But fuck that shit im not interested, enough wit this rhyme i blessed it!

lol the closer didnt hit hard dude but i quoted it anyways because it flowed well with the first two lines..
the last line also didnt make much sense, idk, u lost the concept there. The bone thing was played out but
you made it funny again.

you need to keep dropping and you need to learn more about how this site works, because u havent seen my callout or accepted it. You have potential too, so keep up the good work

MesaR · Post by **MesaR** » Thu Feb 28, 2008 3:26 pm

sounds like a topic that domino could master

I knew this girl who always got molested by her dad who once had sex wit her unprotected
He got himself arrested for something domestic, she became pregnant, had da kid and kept it

best bar cool inner rhymes stay active

Cazmatrolium · Post by **Cazmatrolium** » Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:12 pm

Safe for the feedback!

Brah-Vo · Post by **Brah-Vo** » Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:19 pm

Topic was .. Pretty nice.
Average piece.
Flow was abit choppy, work on ya structure.
Imagery could use some workin on.
Overall a good piece. Keep up

Ambiguous Realm · Post by **Ambiguous Realm** » Fri Feb 29, 2008 7:55 pm

lol ending was funny.. bout the siphillis shyt lol, good stuff

Momeijah · Post by **Momeijah** » Sat Mar 01, 2008 2:01 am

Lol Funny Drop. Bars Were Long as Fuck But The Structure Of ur Rhymes Made The Flow Smooth. Nice Little Story But My Advice Would Be To Not Make The Story Progress as Fast as u Did, Like Adding Some imagery, Metaphors Or Similes To Spice it Up, Giving Good Details To Set The Scene. But it Was Still Dope, u Delivered it Well And im Guessing ur British Due To The Use Of 'Safe'?

Cazmatrolium · Post by **Cazmatrolium** » Sat Mar 01, 2008 2:05 am

Yeah im British, South London!

Momeijah · Post by **Momeijah** » Sat Mar 01, 2008 2:33 am

Lol Sweet London's Awesome.

Cazmatrolium · Post by **Cazmatrolium** » Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:21 am

Where you from?

Cee4 · Post by **Cee4** » Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:38 am

yo this was good. funny little story. it flowed reasonably well. it could be improved but yeah it wasnt bad. its good to see another Brit on here.

funny u should say your from London coz im suppossed to be goin down to my cousins at easter weekend. he stays in Hackney. dont know where abouts in London that is coz ive never been before. im from Glasgow by the way

Molested Bitch!

Molested Bitch!

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