Ventilation Part 1

Haz · Post by **Haz** » Sat Mar 08, 2008 5:08 pm

i cant buy what i "see..see!" lifes a illusion my eyes decieve me
my pockets are empty my brains filld it flairs-wit-hate and irratates
how i see my self then the "mirra breaks" & im gone u ever hear-a-fate?
people think its 2 much 2 swallow so they cant accept to share a plate
causing there mind to experience mass destruction at a high terr-a-state
im under water does this "en-lisin flood" my bodys cold & im not missin blood
every day "pro-vides a wake" how am i a Walkin zombie & im wide awake?
living or dead i have a side-ta-take,wud shuld i do-still take the red or blue pill?
this is to-rill its killing me inside like theirs somethin in my body sent 2-Kill
alive wit substance so "bein is druggin" sometimes i feel like i dont need oxygen "breathing for Nothing"

Omega Bill · Post by **Omega Bill** » Sat Mar 08, 2008 5:55 pm

What I like most about this piece, is that it isn't "Hazard", it's the man behind the sick wordplay and punches. It's someone who tried something different and is succeeding. In your other drops people never look past the wordplay and punches. This piece shows that you have flow, good vocab, great wordplay, and sick multis.

What this does, is forces people to see you're not just a shit talker. You can write deep pieces that carry emotion with them. Some people can only write one topic, and that's it. Others can write about anything and make it poetic.

For branching for your first time into un-tested waters, you did very well. Props for this whole drop and trying something new. It worked.

8.5/10.

Haz · Post by **Haz** » Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:45 pm

Uppin For Feed

Cee4 · Post by **Cee4** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 1:35 am

yeah this was pretty good. not your best buit i liked the way you switched your style up. it make it alot easier to read. nice emotion and that here.

how i see my self then the "mirra breaks" & im gone u ever hear-a-fate?
people think its 2 much 2 swallow so they cant accept to share a plate
causing there mind to experience mass destruction at a high terr-a-state
^^^
this was my favourite bit coz it flowed real good.

small criticism is that because you shortened your bars for this drop you should carry the rhyme over 2 lines. changing the ryhme each line is a good style to have coz it means you can fit in double the number of punchlines or whatever but when you shorten the bars it kinda throughs the flow off a bit. i think u only did this a couple of times here. anyway decent shit here. keep em coming

WILDBILLISAGUIDOFAGGIT · Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:24 am

Not Bad IMO...
Flow Was Solid, Yu Just Needed To Be A Little More Supporting Of Your Statements. But Pretty Solid

Haz · Post by **Haz** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 7:24 am

Thanks Cee & Everyone

Uppin 4 Feed

Arvincible · Post by **Arvincible** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 3:24 pm

living or dead i have a side-ta-take,wud shuld i do-still take the red or blue pill?
this is to-rill its killing me inside like theirs somethin in my body sent 2-Kill

ooh it reminded me of the matrix hehe

nice flow overall keep it comin i rate it a 7.4/10

good shit

MesaR · Post by **MesaR** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:53 pm

this was pretty good.. not your normal ish witch i liked..

living or dead i have a side-ta-take,wud shuld i do-still take the red or blue pill?
this is to-rill its killing me inside like theirs somethin in my body sent 2-Kill

my favbar right there^

but im most impressed you knew the word Ventilation existed

Glamtrash · Post by **Glamtrash** » Tue Mar 11, 2008 2:45 pm

I liked this a lot. You should definitely write more like this.

Ventilation Part 1

Ventilation Part 1

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