Creativity-tie
Relevance-tie, both on point throughout
Complexity-sacred by a longshot
Flow-sacred slightly, it seemed audio geared


vote- SacredVerse

he just had the more well-rounded and complex verse. props to both

punched drunk... slicka hardly even rhymed

i did, but i pm'd em to a mod. the thread was locked, but once he received the message it was unlocked. trust me bro, just look around i been feedin threads

thanks for the feed fellas, i appreciate the love. and yeah. ill get in the habit of posting all my new text pieces here for critique.

I like it better than your last drop. you still have the nice imagery, and this one also has the nice vocab, but you shortened the bars a bit and i dont see those streched lines, cheers. rhyme schemes still need a bit of work though

unlocked

not bad if it was off the top but as a written (besides flow, it flowed pretty well), this piece is pretty bad in all areas. a few pointers to improve:

-try to stay away from cliches (i.e things like "seatbelt better be fastend" that people have probably said millions of times in rap), and played ...

though machine, my chi ebbs in a constant unstoppable flow
there's no hiding it, im a robotic monster from Dr. Gero
I don't eat, don't shed tears, I'm a wretched machine
I don't feel, I don't fear, I'm no sentient being
my brute force and incredible speeds, you never could see
messin with me, I'll ...

sup man, word i just dropped somethin

as i etch this poem, im in a room full of silence
my computer's reppin though, i dont use no papyrus
my thoughts aint set is stone, like dunes on an island
i cant stop my restless bones, but dude i aint cryin
happiness is so elusive i've become a moody bitch
i can't resist the conclusion that ...

I didn't like it that much... it had a few standout lines, the one mentioned above in particular, but overall it was pretty basic


your storytelling skills are pretty developed, if you could just mix that with some multis and maybe some dope wordplay, you could be a winner

decent enough piece. especially for having that many bars. I would work on making your rhyme schemes a bit more complex, although thats not how some people prefer to do it. I like your steez

a few contrived/corny lines like Scream it so loud they can hear me through outerspace

but, all in all ...